Out of Goodbyes
by VigiMathers
Summary: Set after 'Last Sacrifice'.  Rose thought she had finally found her happy ending: an assignment as Lissa's guardian and a relationship she didn't have to hide.  Fate had a different plan in mind.  Rated M - just in case!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

I heard it whispering to me from the back of my mind. I heard it. Always. It was always there; _he _was always there, taunting me, the same blank expression on his face. _'We've changed and it's time to move on. This is for the best, Rose.'_ But even then, a year later, with only a dull ache left in my heart, I didn't want to believe it was true.

The wind felt cold as it blew across my skin, and I watched a pile of leaves dance across the sidewalk. _'Turkey, Rose. You're in Turkey; he's not going to suddenly appear to open fresh wounds,'_ I reminded myself, looking around, still amazed at the beauty, so different from the world to which I was accustomed. I had waited, hoping beyond hope that Dimitri would change his mind, but after weeks of the same biting pain in my chest, after crying myself to sleep for nights on end, and swearing off food – _food! _– because of the wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach every moment of every day, I found a glimmer of hope. Abe called.

"_Kizim," he breathed. I could feel it in his words. Zmey was up to something._

"_Mmhmm," I beckoned, hoping he would cut to the chase. My prayers were answered, as expected. Like me, Abe saw no reason to sugar coat or beat around the bush; he was blunt._

"_I have a favor to ask, my dear." Abe didn't go on, and I knew he was smiling, waiting for my curiosity to kick in. I imagined him moving briskly to some destination or another, henchmen following close behind; and I imagined the absurdly flashy outfit he must be wearing. I paused, stretching the silence, teasing him and feigning indifference._

"_Oh, well that's nice, Zmey, but I'm a little busy over here so you'll have to find someone else to do your dirty work." A smiled spread across my lips; I loved to torture my father. I think it was all the more satisfying messing with him over anyone else only because he was so much like me. I heard him sigh, and had to stifle my laughter._

"_Now, Rose. This is important. It's dangerous. I wouldn't just ask _anyone_," he stopped, and I heard a quick intake of air, "but if you're too _busy_—"and with that he had me._

"_No. No, of course I'm not too busy for danger, Abe. What is it?" His voice was sticky-sweet with satisfaction when he replied. I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him._

"_We'll talk about it when you get here."_

"_When I get _where_?"_

"_Home."_

"Rose?" My head shot up. "Rose, come on. We don't want to be late, now do we?" I took a deep breath and nodded, following Abe toward the airport runway and his waiting jet. Everything seemed to have fallen into place in Turkey: I worked for Abe when he needed me, and had the run of his house when he didn't; I had money, cars, anything I could ask for right there at my fingertips. I was happy, though Dimitri still haunted every thought, like a ghost buried in the depths of my mind. Only now? Now we were going back to everyone and everything I had left behind, and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it yet.

"Actually, _I_ wouldn't mind if we never made it to that little meeting of yours." Abe looked at me, his brow wrinkled as he took in the uncertainty on my face.

"I'm not sure if I'm getting this right, but, _are you scared_, _Rose_?" I glared and brushed past him, shoving my hands in the pockets of my vest in a feeble attempt at defiance.

"I'm not scared of anything, Zmey." I had to think of a sarcastic comeback, and quick. "I just don't think Court has quite recovered from the _last_ time I was there, is all." I felt him frown as he followed behind me.

"Yes, that's it: the unshakeable Rosemarie Hathaway is _scared_ of what her friends will think of her." Abe laughed and I rolled my eyes at him. "You're just _full_ of surprises!"

I turned on him, narrowing my eyes and Abe stepped back. "Rose. I know, Rose." His voice was softer now. "We'll be there 2 days; if you try I'm sure you can avoid them. Or—"

"Or?"

"Well, I was just thinking that we _could_ just have Belikov—"Abe coughed and smiled mischievously, "—_taken out_. I would prefer that, in fact." I rolled my eyes again and walked away. Abe had invited me to '_work for him'_ – his coy way of providing refuge away from my problems – but I don't think he was quite sure what to do for me from there. How _does_ one handle a heartbroken eighteen year old girl?

We made it to the jet and I climbed aboard, letting out a long burst of air as I sat down.

"You _had_ to bring him up, didn't you," I complained with a frown, slumping down into the luxurious leather couch. Abe followed inside shaking his head at me, and made his way toward the front of the jet. We left his henchmen to load the luggage securely into the back of the jet and waited as they took their places near the hatch. No one spoke much during the flight. I think we were _all_ a little bit afraid of what awaited us at Court.

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><p><strong>Hey, everyone, I'd just like to start off by saying 'thank you' ever so much for reading my feeble attempt at writing. This is my first fanfiction, so please bear with me! I'm sorry this chapter turned out so short, but I experienced a little writer's block toward the end and wasn't sure where to go from there. It won't happen again! (*<strong>_**fingers crossed**_***) Hopefully chapter two will justify such an abrupt ending. (then again, maybe it won't…)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reading; reviews are **_**always**_** appreciated. I'll address a few comments/questions at the end of the chapter!**

**My sincerest apologies if this chapter **_**absolutely sucks**_. **The original copy of chapter two decided to become corrupt and I had to write it…all over again. Needless to say, I almost cried. Still, I hope you enjoy.**

***Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or any content or characters included therein. Vampire Academy is the sole property of Richelle Mead.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

We arrived to Court mid-morning, leaving me a few hours to wander around without the risk of seeing someone I knew. Abe instructed Tad and his other henchmen to deposit the luggage in our temporary rooms in guest housing, and bade me farewell until we were to meet for lunch.

It was odd thinking about life moving on without me here, and I wondered what Lissa was up to, but stopped myself before I could open the bond. It had been hard enough to close it off the first time, and I didn't want to deal with the frustration again. Besides, I wasn't sure yet if I was ready to reconcile our differences or if she would even accept me when I was ready.

I began to walk, with no destination in mind, studying everything around me as I went. Would this place be different now? Would the people be different? I had changed profoundly, but, my friends? To me _they_ were still as I had left them, untouched. I guess I had hoped that in my absence time, itself, would stop; I could even imagine the headlines: _The Amazing Rosemarie Hathaway, Against Her Even Mother Nature is No Match!_ What a fool.

The gym rose up before me and I felt frozen in place. I watched the doors for movement, nervous that at any moment I would be discovered, and hoping that, if I tried hard enough, I could render myself invisible. When I was certain that no one threatened to emerge I continued on toward a nearby park, regret overcoming me at the how much I missed my time here at Court, with its familiar buildings, and its familiar people.

I stopped, hearing someone stumble on the sidewalk behind me. The breath caught in my throat, and I heard a gasp escape his lips, as I turned to look. Our eyes met and we watched one another awhile, taking in the subtle changes in each other's appearance. He was the same. But he was different. I remembered his soft hair beneath my fingertips, the warmth of his skin against mine; I remembered the muscular curve of his body, and the way he would laugh when I ran my hand down the length of his stomach; I remembered the way he spoke my name and how it used to send chills all over my body; and I remembered the way he used to love me, too.

Something clicked in my head, and I turned to make an escape, suddenly desperate to be anywhere else. I knew he was there before I even heard his footsteps beside me and felt his hand wrap around my arm, stopping and spinning me to face him. He looked me over a few minutes more, perhaps to convince himself that I was real, and I begged my heart not to burst through my chest. His grip on my forearm tightened as though he were afraid that I would bolt, or simply fade away right before his eyes, a fleeting image pulled straight from his imagination. I felt the air leave my lungs, and watched as the world around me disappeared, leaving me only that beautiful, silky Russian voice.

"Where have you been, Rose?" Dimitri asked. He was talking to me, and without provocation; so unlike our last encounter. I looked up and into his sad, haunted eyes and had to remind myself that he no longer cared, no longer needed or wanted me. My legs began to shake slightly, and I was afraid that I might collapse at his touch. "It's you, _it's you_. Where have you _been_?" It came out almost as a whisper now, and I wondered at how cruel Fate could be, to dangle him in front of me once again. I was able to regain my composure, and squaring my shoulders, I reached a hand up to free myself from his grasp.

"Turkey, with Zmey. It's not uncommon for a child to live with their parents, last time I checked." I backed away ever so slightly, thankful as I felt the distance between us grow. "Now, if you'll excuse me, _Guardian Belikov_," I said, the words slipping like acid from my tongue, "I'd like to finish my walk. I had forgotten how gorgeous Court is this time of year." He faltered at my use of his guardian name, and I could read the anger, confusion, and—was it?—_pain_ on his face.

It felt like forever before I made it to the library. My feet were like concrete bricks, refusing to cooperate as I navigated away from the gym; away from Dimitri. I made my way toward the bathroom, and leaning over the toilet in a handicap stall, I let the nausea set in and rubbed my temples to soothe the throbbing in my head. I held my breath on the way over, convinced that if I were let it out I would start crying and might never stop. In Turkey I had thought I was cured and that I would never feel this pain or the desire to hold him again. But now, after seeing him, and hearing him—after _feeling_ him, if only for a brief moment—the longing began to wash over me once more. I realized, then, that, maybe I would never be free from the hold he had over my heart.

Why had I let Abe talk me into coming back here? I grimaced at the sudden intrusion as my cell phone started to ring. Pulling it from my pocket I looked at the screen. It was Abe. Great, he could tell when I was thinking about him and now he was calling to talk about it. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard, steeling myself against the tears.

"Hey, Abe," I said, looking down at my watch. Ten o'clock, still early. "Uh, why are you c-calling, we've still got a few more hours before you wanted to meet,"

"Just calling to—"Abe paused, almost waiting for something, but continued, "—to make sure you're alright. You are alright, Kizim?" I could tell he had picked up on the tension in my voice, but hoped he wouldn't press it further.

"Yes, I'm fine," I said, blotting my eyes with several sheets of toilet paper. "How is the meeting going so far? You don't think you're gonna miss lunch, do you, Abe?" He laughed.

"Of course, Rose wants to know about the food." Suddenly I was thankful for the long-running joke about my enormous appetite. "No, I think we're almost finished here for the day. We can meet earlier, if you're not too busy catching up with old friends—" his voice tapered off, a lame excuse at humor. Abe knew full well that I intended to catch up with no one; I had wanted the next few days to pass without incident. I could never be so lucky. I didn't acknowledge the joke, focusing instead on lunch,

"Meet me at that café across from the library at eleven?"

"I suppose."

"I suppose that if you don't show up I'm hoping on the next flight outta this place," I replied sarcastically, only half joking. "See you at eleven, Abe."

Abe sighed. "Fine. See you at eleven."

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><p><strong>Thanks again for reading! I'd like to address one comment I received—<strong>

**Kate – I promise, promise, **_**promise**_** this will not be another "Dimitri leaves Rose" story. I don't want to give away any of my plans, but I guarantee to break your heart just a little bit.**

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><p><strong>Now here's where I shamelessly plug my new story. This is the opening to a novel I've been working on (writing, rewriting, <strong>_**hating**_**, reimagining, rewriting…etc.) titled **_**Tainted Thread**_. **Please take a look and let me know what you think; I'm interested to see how well I've drawn you into the story, whether readers (you!) will even be interested in reading the material, and, most importantly to make sure my writing doesn't get so convoluted that you can't understand what's going on. Leave your comments in a review, or send me a private message. I appreciate any and all feedback.**

**If all goes well this story should be posted to my FictionPress site for your viewing pleasure!**

**Thanks again,**

**Vigi**

**Tainted Thread**

I have gone by many names over the years: Amunet, Laila, Magdalena—the list goes on. Now I am called Arianne. To tell you the truth I'm not sure that I remember the name I was born with. Time has been like a bandit that way, taking from me life after life, stealing moments and memories. The one thing I am left with, always, is a profound sense of loss.

_Things I've lost_. I could write a book; my home, my family, my_ mind_. Arguably.

Now, I have lost sight of the man I am following. This doesn't leave me feeling empty, only nervous, anxious. Though I've been tracking him from a distance to avoid detection, I can tell he is tall, maybe 6'4". He has the typical build of his race: sturdy and able-bodied with well-defined muscles. I can't make out the color of his eyes from so far, but his chestnut hair falls to just below eye-level, and it appears as though the man hasn't seen a comb in a very long time—if ever.

He's difficult to locate in such a large crowd of people, but I manage to find him, luckily, just a few feet from the Exit. If I was going to kill him, I would have to do it soon. The Mardi Gras crowd outside the club was larger than this one, meaning that if I lost the akhkharu again, it would be for good.

**-Let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**As always, thanks for reading! I wanted to have this chapter finished sooner, but I've been busy at work and haven't had a chance to wrap my head around where this chapter should go. And I'll admit, this was a tough chapter to write for me. I think I've got a pretty good story, but all the fluff and filler sometimes eludes me. What can I say; some days I've got it, some days I don't. Here's hoping it doesn't disappoint!**

***And – as always – I do not own Vampire Academy. That privilege belongs to Richelle Mead.**

**Chapter Three**

I sank down into a sitting position and leaned back against the cool wall. The nauseous feeling remained and I wondered if I was going to be able to hold anything when lunchtime rolled around. If I didn't try, Abe would know something was up.

I stayed there on the floor, my eyes closed and my head cradled in my hands, letting the sorrow wash over me. _Never again_. I pictured his face as I had seen him only moments ago. I knew every line of that face and how it used to feel to have my lips pressed against his. Never again would I kiss him. Never again would I have him. Never again could I let my heart break. It was the same old familiar pain that I buried deep inside hoping it would never resurface. Being in Turkey had made things so easy. There he was only a ghost in my head; but here? Here he was flesh and blood—flesh that I still so deeply longed to touch, with a warmth I so deeply longed to take in and let overcome my senses.

The restroom door swung open and then shut again, and I tensed briefly at the intrusion. I needed to collect myself quickly; while I was in no state to leave the stall, I couldn't stay hidden forever. How many times had Abe used those exact words referring to my triumphant return to Court? I hated to admit it, but Zmey, like Dimitri, was very gifted with Zen-like wisdom. And, like Dimitri, he quite enjoyed flaunting it to me at any opportune moment. Naturally, it was a source of endless aggravation on my end.

I closed my eyes and began to focus on my breathing. Just a few slow, deep breaths should do it: I would be calm and my heart would return to a nice steady beat. At the other end of the bathroom I heard the toilet flush. _Just breathe—quietly. That's it, Rose._

When I was certain that I was again alone in the bathroom I took one last, deep breath and grabbed my bag. It was now or never; I had to meet Abe at the café in fifteen minutes. Where had all the time gone? I hesitated, unlatching the lock on my stall. I let my thoughts return momentarily to Dimitri. Would I see him again? If I did, would I be able to contain my feelings or would I betray my heart to him? And then, of course, I still had my other friends to consider. I was no longer guaranteed an uneventful weekend now that someone knew I had returned. _No time to dwell on it_, I reminded myself. Pushing the stall door open I made my way out through the library and into the twilight of the vampire morning.

Abe and I were seated on the outdoor patio at a quiet café on toward the far side of Court. Moroi rarely ventured to this part of the warded grounds as it offered mostly dhampir housing and small shops that catered to dhampir tastes. There was a comfortable breeze and the soft lighting cast playful, dancing shadows across each table.

I was still a little shaken from my earlier encounter with Dimitri and nervous that, at any moment, I might get a repeat visit. I hoped my father couldn't tell how uncomfortable I was sitting out in the open like this.

Abe took a sip of water and looked at me a moment before folding his hands together. He breathed deeply and opened his mouth. It seemed as though he wanted to say something but just as quickly Abe's lips closed once more, and I heard his tongue click in the back of his throat.

"Go ahead and say it, Abe," I said, narrowing my eyes at him. "Give me whatever bad news you have." He studied me again.

"I'm going to have Tad escort you starting after lunch. It seems as though, somehow, the Queen found out you're here with me." Abe must have noticed the slight panic on my face as I felt my eyes widen. _Damn him! Not even an hour had passed since I ran into Dimitri and already he had found the time to inform Lissa, and who knows how many other people._ Abe placed a hand firmly over mine.

"I've made it perfectly clear to Lissa just how important it is that this weekend goes off as smoothly and quietly as possible, Kizim. So—Rose—Tad here will be accompanying you wherever you go from now on. His voice softened to almost a whisper, "I won't let anything happen."

I had to give it to him: Abe had done everything he could the past few years to make up for his absence in my earlier life. I smiled at him.

"Thank you, Zmey. Thank you for everything, but you know I don't need you – or Tad, for that matter – to protect me, especially not from Lissa or the Russian. I'll be fine—Dad." Abe looked at me, surprised, but he returned my smile.

"I know, I just don't want him to hurt you again. The Rose that came to me in Turkey…it just wasn't you. I don't want you to have to go through that again."

"Now don't go soft on me, old man. Isn't this where you threaten to dismember him so I can get angry with you and storm off, or something?" Abe pulled his hand back and his smile widened.

"Ah, yes. We'll dismember him just before we leave and you won't know a thing until we've arrived safe and sound back home." I could only shake my head at him as he sat back in his chair, no doubt satisfied at his own wit. "Well I feel much better, now," he continued, "How about you?"

"Right. Much better, thank you." The smile faded from his mouth and Abe narrowed his eyes, drawing close to me once more across the table.

"Rose, I have more bad news." I drew my attention to the hired guardians sitting at a table nearby. I hadn't noticed all of them at first. What were they all doing here; we wouldn't need the whole crew so close by since we were relatively safe here at Court, yet here we all were. "As I said, Tad will be with you the rest of our stay. The Queen is holding a function this evening, and your attendance has been specifically requested." The breath caught in my throat. This unease was becoming quite frequent.

"Of course," was all I managed to choke out as I felt the tears threaten to consume me once more. Abe saw the shift in my body and decided it would be best for Tad to take me back to my room to rest, and gather myself for the debacle that would undoubtedly unfold later in the evening.

Abe knew I would want to shock everyone with my homecoming if I was going to be forced into taking part in whatever Lissa had in store for me, so around three that afternoon Ambrose showed up at my door, makeup, hair products, and dress in hand.

"You're probably one of the only people I want to see right now," I said, drawing him into a deep hug. "Make me look like anything but how I feel, Ambrose, because I feel like shit and I can't let them know how much of a mess I still am." Ambrose laughed at me and set his tools down on a table in the large front sitting area of my guest room.

"Well I wasn't gonna say anything but you definitely could use some work. You can't tell me living with Abe and his, no doubt, unlimited supply of money, that you don't have access to some kind of spa. _Seriously, Rose_. But have no fear, when I'm done with you you'll look like the real princess that you are."

"Oh, I have plenty of pampering under Abe's watchful eye; I've just had a, _ya know_, long, fucked up day," I replied, sighing as Ambrose guided me down into a plush armchair.

"Ah, no need to explain yourself to me. Remember, I'm still very much in tune with the goings-on around here. And the 'goings-on' indicate that a very frantic – for him, anyway – large Russian guardian came storming into the Queen's chambers this morning to tell her about a ghost he had literally run into." Ambrose laughed again, the most pleasant thing I had heard all day. "He was a mess, Rose. You had quite the affect. What was it exactly you said to him?"

"I didn't say _anything_ to him. Well, nothing that should have upset him, or anything," I replied sheepishly. I couldn't believe Dimitri was affected by me or my presence at Court. Not after he had all but brushed our relationship of as if it had been little more than a childish fling.

"Maybe that was it, then: you're lack of conversation. He probably hates that you didn't outright admit to your lingering feelings and beg him to take you back." Ambrose had begun to brush my hair back into a ponytail so he could apply my makeup. He stepped in front of me and studied my face.

"Have you had a shower or would you like me to wait?"

"No, no, I took one as soon as Tad dropped me off back here. I might need to wash my face, though. I took a nap earlier, too."

"That's fine. This shouldn't take too long," Ambrose said, pulling out a set of applicators and starting to look over his extensive set of eye shadows. _Was he right about Dimitri?_

**Sorry to cut it off here, but I think it'll probably be best to save the rest of Rose's reunions for Queen Vasilisa's party. Don't worry, I won't keep you waiting long!**

**I just want to thank everyone who's reviewed/commented so far, and anyone who's currently subscribed to updates for **_**Out of Goodbyes**_**. You have no idea how flattered I am, and I'm thrilled to continue writing so you all can satisfy your own VA addictions (because, **_**come on**_**, we're addicted…)!**

**Until next time, folks!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Would you look at that; **_**two**_** chapters finished and posted for your viewing pleasure! I had a lucky writing frenzy the other night due to a bout of insomnia following a nasty cold/flu. I'd love to hear more reviews and feedback from everyone, so let me know what you think!**

**I don't own Vampire Academy, I just try to mimic Richelle Mead's fantastic writing!**

**Chapter Four**

I said goodbye to Ambrose two hours later and I must admit, he did such a good job with my hair and makeup, and the dress he and Abe had found for me was so gorgeous that I almost forgot how shitty I was supposed to be feeling. Maybe tonight would turn out well, fun even; maybe it wouldn't turn out to be the nightmare I had imagined.

I went to shut the door behind Ambrose just as Tad offered his hellos and made his way in the direction of my room. I had nearly forgotten my date for the evening, as I liked to think of him. Tad was tall and attractive, and I hoped he would serve as a good barricade between myself and the hypnotizing presence of the great Russian when the time came—I hoped to God.

I pulled the door open again and looked out to watch Tad as he approached. He smiled at me casually and made a small wave in my direction. Tad was a few years older than me but we still fell easily into a friendship, and I have often spent time with both him and his girlfriend Ava drinking the night awat or talking over coffee, watching the sun sink into the Moroi morning. They had played a large part in my recovery the past year, helping me to forget how much I missed and was sad to be away from my friends, and to forget the emptiness left in my hear after the love of my life had rejected me yet again.

"Hello there," I said as sweetly as possible. Tad would see right through my act, but we both knew that he would play along, if only for my sake. His smile did not falter.

"Hello yourself. Do you come here often, pretty lady?" I had to laugh as he caught me around the waist, pulling me close to him. But then a pained look crossed his face, and just as quickly he drew back from me.

"Oh. Please forgive me. Your boyfriend will probably be pissed at my being so forward." I shook my head and he took it as an opportunity to continue. "What? No boyfriend, someone as beautiful as you? A man would be a fool not to fall instantly and eternally in love with a woman like you. He bowed in front of me, and when he rose to meet my eyes once more Tad's mouth was raised into a huge grin. Laughter danced in his eyes.

"And I assure you, my dear Rose, if I wasn't already deeply, _eternally_ in love with another woman, I would be happy to call you mine." I blushed and almost felt a tear form at the corner of my eye.

"Do you have to do that? I'm already embarrassed enough," I cried, half laughing. We tensed, turning toward the elevators as we heard a new set of footsteps click on the hard marble floor. Tad took a step forward, partially covering my view as we were joined in the hallway.

"I hope you'll forgive the intrusion, but I had to see you. I was afraid you wouldn't up at the Queen—Lissa's party." His voice faltered and I felt my heart skip a beat as our eyes met despite Tad's presence between us. It felt as though it was reaching out across the distance, being drawn undeniably toward its other half.

"You look beautiful tonight, Roza. I think you only grow _more_ beautiful each time I see you." Tad took another step forward, assuming a defensive stance in front of me. Dimitri followed suit, no doubt worried that I might not react kindly to his abrupt arrival.

I stepped forward and brought my arm across Tad's chest, nudging him backward slightly. Both men relaxed their guard.

"It's alright, Tad. Guardian Belikov just wants to make sure the Queen's wishes are met and that I show up at her party as she requested." I eyed Dimitri, fighting the need I felt to have him close to me. "Thank you, Guardian Belikov. Dimitri."

His eyes lit up momentarily, and I felt a slight shiver run up my spine in reaction to my own use of his name. I hadn't spoken it out loud since arriving back to Court. _Actually_, it had been quite a bit longer since I had allowed myself the luxury of hearing – and _feeling_ – his name slip from my tonue, and now my mouth suddenly felt dry at the loss of it.

I felt Tad's hand on my back as if he could sense just how weak I felt in Dimitri's presence. Ambrose's words from earlier echoed in my head. _'He probably hates that you didn't outright admit to your lingering feelings…._' Was that it?

I turned to face Tad, hoping Dimitri would take the cue and excuse himself, but Tad had other plans. He had noticed the silent exchange between Dimitri and me and must have decided we were foolish not to allow ourselves proper closure when the relationship ended. He would force us to talk, if that's what he had to do to help me heal.

"Rose will have to attend the party with me, just so Abe can see she's there safely guarded—" I wanted to stop him; I was terrified what might happen if I were left alone with Dimitri. What more could he have to say to me that wouldn't open the fresh wound I harbored deep within me? Tad tightened his grip on my waist, holding me firmly in place beside him.

"After we've paid out respects I believe you two might need to take a little time to sort out—whatever." Dimitri nodded in understanding, visibly grateful for the leave Tad was granting. His job was to serve Abe without questions, but he knew this was too important to be left unresolved. Some things just find a way; if we didn't talk now it would only wait for another day, and the unspoken things between us would fester in our minds until that day finally came.

Dimitri's eyes moved to meet mine. I was desperately looking back and forth at each man, taking in Tad's words and allowing the agreement that had essentially been made without me to sink in. But when those brown eyes found mine I was locked in a trance, and falling ever deeper into love.

"Until then, Roza. Goodnight," he breathed, and I think I felt my legs slip out from beneath me ever so slightly.

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><p>"Oh my God, he <em>isn't<em> crazy after all. The Great Rose Hathaway _has_ come back. Whattaya know!" I heard a snide voice exclaim as Tad and I pushed our way into the large ballroom. I hadn't even thought of Christian. There were definitely people I wanted to see less.

"Sparky?" I said, spinning around. "Still here? You haven't blown yourself up yet, pyroboy?" I wanted to laugh, but held a serious look on my face. He faltered at this small show of formality.

"_My ass, Hathaway_. Get that ugly look off your face now," he insisted, making his way over to me. "As if you're not happy to see me."

I quickly pulled him into a hug, taking in the familiarity of his cologne. No matter what, Christian had always smelled nice, and now it reminded me a little of Dimitri and how he used to smell of sweat and aftershave. All man. Being close to him, and that overwhelmingly attractive scent—it used to kill me. I would probably hate myself later when I was alone with him, thinking about it and close enough to bury myself in him. I drew my thoughts back to the moment at hand. Dimitri could wait.

"I missed you, Rose," Christian whispered playfully in my ear. "It's not the same without you here."

"I missed you, too, Sparky," I whispered back as we pulled away. He studied me, smiling.

"There's no one here to joke with anymore. I think I'm losing my touch without you around to argue. _Damnit, everyone gets their heart broken now and then, Rose, so what's your excuse? Why'd you leave?_" So there it was. Of all the people I left behind, Christian was the last one I expected to grill me on my return. I sighed dejectedly,

"I'm sorry about that _pyro_—Christian. I just…I couldn't stay. Please understand. I didn't mean to hurt anyone—"

"Well you did, Rose." I heard her voice behind me as she approached, and I tensed at the sound of it, my body overcome with guilt at the sadness in her words.

"You hurt us badly. Couldn't you have called, at least? Couldn't you have called _me_? I'm your bestfriend, Rose!" Christian had moved to stand beside her and placed a comforting arm around her waist.

"I was so worried about you, and I had no idea where you were or if you were safe or why you even left in the first place…" Lissa stopped herself short and placed a hand sheepishly over her mouth. "Geez, sorry, now I'm rambling."

"Oh, Lissa, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't know how to face you after I left. Abe called and I-I wasn't thinking straight. I just felt like I needed to be away from this place," I admitted wanting to soothe her worry, but instead I saw the color drain from her face as tears formed in her emerald green eyes. I reached out for her, pulling her away from Christian and into my own arms. Hugs were the theme of this excursion, I noticed.

"Not you, Lissa! I didn't want to be away from you," I said, hugging her gently.

"I – we just wanted to make sure you were ok. Dimitri told us what happened, and when I went to check on you – you just scared the hell out of me, ok, Rose?"

"Ok, Lissa. _I'm sorry_, it won't happen again." I lowered my eyes from her. I was ashamed to have thought she would be anything but happy to see me. Christian punched me lightly on the arm and I noticed Tad tense at the gesture before he realized that Sparky meant no harm. I had forgotten all about him, but no less, I smiled, amused.

"Don't worry, we forgive you, Rosie. Yeah, I think that'll stick for the night: _Rosie_," Chrisitan laughed as he excused himself and made his way toward the front of the room where I could just make out Dimitri's large frame leaning against the wall. He was watching us, but still managed a glance once or twice around the room. Always on duty.

Lissa and I talked for a long time, as we caught each other up on the last year of our lives. She laughed when I told her all my adventures working in Abe's stead, complaining at how I felt like I had been drafted into the mob. Compared to the Royal Council, she said she thought my new business acquaintances sounded downright friendly.

We were now sitting at a small table at the head of the room and I had positioned myself so that my back was toward where Dimitri and Christian stood joking around. Dimitri had grown closely into my circle of friends, mostly because Christian was his charge, but also because, I knew, despite our failed relationship, everyone liked him. Lissa kept stealing glances in their direction whenever we hit a lull in our conversation, and she frowned as Christian no doubt made eye contact, acknowledging the awkwardness of our situation.

"So, uh, Rose," she began, and I knew she was going to ask about him. It was only a matter of time, after all. "Are you going to – you know – are you going to talk to him," Lissa asked nervously. I thought about how to respond, and she took it as a sign that it was ok to press the topic further.

"You should have seen him earlier, he was so upset when you brushed him off; that you didn't talk to him – as if he has a right to expect you to just talk about the weather—" I laughed at Lissa's incredulity. "_Right_?" She laughed with me, attempting to lighten the somber mood that had crept up on us. I sighed and fiddled nervously with the napkin in front of me.

"Yeah. Tad kinda offered to give us some time once Abe has relaxed a little and stops watching me like a hawk. I wish Christian would tell Dimitri," I sucked in my breath, still taken aback by his name of my lips, "to stop looking at me or Abe will freak and send the deathsquad after him."

"Nah, Abe's just being a dad. An overly intimidating example of one, but still a dad," Lissa laughed. "I am glad you're giving him a chance, though," she paused but caught herself in time to add, "—to talk! A chance to talk and, I dunno, maybe give you some kind of explanation. We all thought he was a huge jerk from ending it the way he did."

"Tell me about it."

**So? What do you think? How do you think the confrontation between Rose and Dimitri will turn out?**

**I'm already working on chapter five, so here's hoping I can have that up mid-week! Thanks again for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**So, so,**_**so**_** sorry this has been so long coming. I was one step away from putting the finishing touches on when… well I'm sure you don't care to hear my excuses. I'll try and pop out another chapter this weekend or early next week, but I'm moving the 31****st**** so my rate of posting may slow down for a short while again.**

**Wait! I know some of you might not want to read my boring notes, and wish I would just get on with the show, but, I have an opportunity I would like to share. I'm currently in need of 1-3 persons to be test readers for an original novel I'll be working on this summer. If you're interested please e-mail me at !**

**Thanks again for taking the time to read my work. Comment/Review responses after the jump!**

**Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy series!**

**Chapter Five**

I sat with Lissa awhile longer until we were approached by several Royal Moroi hoping to secure an informal audience with the Queen. Taking this opportunity I excused myself, promising to meet up with her later. I needed to spend time with Abe. I thought that if I assured him I was having a good time that maybe he would ease up and forget to pay attention to me long enough so that I could sneak off and get the _whatever-it-was_ with Dimitri out of the way. At least then I might come away with some kind of peace of mind about us—about everything. Maybe then I would no longer be plagued with thoughts of him when we returned to Turkey. My resolve with that had not faltered; I would be going home with my father. I wasn't ready to be back here long-term yet, and somehow I knew that Abe wasn't ready to let his little girl go yet, either. The man was a lot softer than he liked to appear—at least when it came to me, anyway.

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><p>I glanced at the glass of champagne before me and watched as the Moroi hovering so dotingly around Abe took occasional sips from their own glasses. I hated to drink myself, but my father said it was a necessity in "our" line of business; it's what civilized people did in social settings, he had explained nonchalantly. Rather, it seemed to me more like what a person would do in nervous or uncomfortable situations, and with every bubbly mouthful I bought more and more into its magical, therapeutic power. There was no way Dimitri would get to me after a few glasses, I tried to convince myself, forgetting momentarily the real effect alcohol always had on me. Suddenly an image of me throwing myself at Dimitri popped into my head. I began to feel flush, but must admit that I was somewhat excited at the idea of it.<p>

'_Get it together, Rose. Damnit,'_ I cursed at myself thinking maybe I should have sought out those one-night stands I so often thought about in Turkey. At least it might have made it easier to forget, now, the way it had felt to have my body pressed against him those nights that seemed so long ago. I chastised myself again, disappointed that the memories I worked so hard to push away were just as near to my thoughts as ever. I yearned to touch his soft skin, and to feel him run his hand along the curves of my body. Oh, _God_! I needed to distract myself from the ache growing stronger in my stomach; the night was turning into a disaster just waiting to happen.

I looked up and made eye contact with Tad. He smiled reassuringly at me, and when his focus shifted behind me, my eyes followed his gaze to once again fall on that of Dimitri. He was staring back in our direction and, even at this distance, I could feel the need radiating from his body, as well. I blinked and looked away, embarrassed at how fast my heart had begun to beat. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take before I completely lost what little nerve I had left. My urge to confront him was quietly battling my desire to get as far away from him as possible. I lowered my head and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to calm my inner turmoil, but was interrupted when I felt a warm hand come to rest gently over my own. I let out a low sigh and looked up to find Tad nodding in Dimitri's direction. I was frozen and all I could do in return was shake my head to indicate that, no, I couldn't do it. Not then, maybe not ever. Resolved that I _would_ speak with Dimitri, Tad stood and made his way around the table to stand behind me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and bent down so that his head was level with mine.

"Now or never, Rose. Don't be such a coward. It's not you, and definitely not becoming on you," he whispered. I sighed and nodded in compliance. Tad was the last person I wanted to disappoint. It would only be the icing on the cake after I had all but broken Lissa's heart.

"Fine," I replied dejectedly.

"I'll keep an eye on Abe—just don't draw any attention to yourself," he continued. "Now go before you talk yourself into running," I could tell he was holding back a laugh; no doubt he thought a joke would put me more at ease.

"I don't want to have to chase after you, but I will, and frankly I don't think your Russian friend will hesitate to either. Be strong, Rose." I squared my shoulders and stood to face him.

"I'm going," I muttered softly.

I made my way to the far side of the room and followed the wall toward where Dimitri stood, eyeing him cautiously. I signaled that we were clear to slip away to finally get to our much needed conversation. He nodded in understanding and cast a glance in Abe's direction to make sure he could follow me out the side door without detection. Tad was still watching, and he gestured for us to make a quick departure while my father was still distracted by the regal Moroi woman with whom he was chatting.

With one last look behind me I pushed the door open just enough for me to squeeze through and made my way down a narrow hallway. I found a small recess in the wall, and hid myself deep in its shadow. I held my breath as I heard the door swing open again and, just as swiftly, it clicked back into place, announcing Dimitri's approach and what was sure to be my imminent demise. I breathed deeply, recovering myself, but then I remembered once again how he would smell, and I knew that it would take all my resolve not to throw myself into him.

"Rose?" I heard him say my name softly and I stepped out of the doorway, waving for him to follow me to an exit at the end of the corridor. This would bring us out into a small fenced courtyard that would afford us all the privacy we could ask for. And if I needed him, Tad was just a short distance away.

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><p>"Sit," I told him, taking my own place on a stone bench in the center of the elaborate garden. Dimitri did as I asked, his eyes watching me expectantly, almost…hopefully. I broke away from his penetrating gaze and pretended to take in the breathtaking beauty all around us.<p>

"What are you thinking about?" His voice ran a shiver up my spine, flowing over every inch of my body like velvet. I could still feel the love in his words, though I continued to try and deny it and to play it off as Dimitri being his polite self. But I was having a hard time believing it now. I _couldn't_ believe it, not with the electricity flowing between us. The hairs on my arms were raised into goose bumps, as I imagined they would if we had touched, and it made my head start to spin. I couldn't figure out all the conflicting emotions running through me. I looked at him briefly and closed my eyes for a moment to set myself straight. When I felt collected enough I breathed in, and allowed myself to respond.

"I'm wondering how much longer it will be before my heart beats right out of my chest." I paused, to gauge his response, but when he didn't say anything I opened my eyes anxiously. I could see a smile struggling at the corners of his mouth, yet he remained silent as though he knew there was more I needed to say.

"I'm so confused. I don't know what I'm doing back here, or more importantly, what I'm doing _here_ with you," I gestured at the courtyard around me, trying to find the right words. "I don't know why I feel the way I do, but being around you has brought up a lot of things I thought were over—feelings that I thought _I_ was over. But clearly I'm not, so I'm thinking maybe this was a bad idea," I lead, hoping he might agree and allow things to go unspoken. _Unresolved_. Perhaps it would be better that way. I stood and took a step back toward the entrance to the building but before I knew it Dimitri had snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me to sit beside him on a bench opposite mine.

"Don't go," Dimitri said softly, imploring me to stay. "Please?" I nodded, unable to pull myself from his gaze. He had taken hold of my hands and now began to rub his thumbs over my skin. I could have died right then and there. I felt the heat rising up my arms, threatening to consume my body. "Tell me: what things? What _feelings_?"

"W—why are you rubbing my hands?"

"Is it making you uncomfortable?"

"It's driving me crazy."

"But are you uncomfortable?" he asked again, desperation betraying his voice. I hesitated.

"No, not uncomfortable, but I do need you to stop." He looked amused now, sensing my unease; he loved it.

"Why," he started, but must have thought better of it, as he pulled his thumbs away from my tingling hands so that only our palms were touching. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I couldn't help myself."

"I'm leaving Saturday." The words came tumbling out of my mouth. "I-I'm leaving. So that's why I can't let myself be this close to you." He pulled away from me and stood.

"You just got here, and you're leaving already," Dimitri asked indignantly. He was speaking louder now, and I could read the disappointment on his face.

"Wh—but…" Suddenly I could hear his words echo in my head all over again, and I remembered how they had stung; I remembered why, exactly, it was that I had left in the first place, why I had stayed away so long. I remembered why I didn't want to come back. I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at him.

"You're mad? Are you forgetting who it was that sent me away, _Dimitri_," I said pointedly, drawing out his name. "Don't you remember what you said? I do; I remember it most every day, no matter how much I try to forget." I was standing now, moving closer to him with each breath. So, I wasn't in danger of falling for his sweet lies after all.

"You told me we'd changed and that you didn't want me anymore. _You told me it was for the best!_" I was standing on my tiptoes now, our faces inches apart, and I couldn't seem to control myself. I wanted to scream at him for thinking he had a right to be angry. I wanted to scream at him for all the pain he had caused me, for all the friends and the time I had lost in the process. Yet there was a part of me that wanted, more than anything, to scream at him that I still loved him, and that, although he may have changed his mind, I couldn't move on.

Dimitri grabbed me roughly by the shoulders and lowered himself so that we were standing eye to eye. He was breathing slowly, taking long purposeful gasps of air. I almost wanted to smile, imagining smoke coming out of his ears. He took one final, deep breath and loosened his grip. I watched him swallow and knew he was searching for words to express what was running through his head. His face had fallen, and I felt a need to wrap him in my arms and comfort him.

"I never said I didn't want you, Roza." I lurched forward, my knees dropping out beneath me, and Dimitri quickly caught me in his arms. Soon my eyes would fill with tears and the only words I would be able to mutter to him would be a plea to hold me this way forever; to look at me the way he was looking at me—forever—with his longing and desire burning me from the inside out.

"Maybe we should sit back down," I choked out though I was reluctant to move even an inch away from him. He nodded and dropped his hands, taking one of mine in his to lead me back to the bench where we had been sitting just a moment ago. I felt the loss of his warmth deeply. I sat down and stared out into the sky, anchoring myself to the bench for stability. The world had begun to move around me making me feel all the more dizzy and off balance.

"Are you alright," Dimitri asked, resting his hand on the small of my back. I tensed, coming back into myself suddenly and he recoiled. "I'm sorry," he muttered and I watched as he lowered his head in defeat. Turning to him, I brushed a strand of hair behind his ear and placed my hand gently under his chin to bring his gaze back to me.

"Say that again," I pleaded.

"I'm sorry?" I shook my head and lowered my hand to rest on the bench beside me, brushing my fingers across his skin as I did.

"No, not that. Before that—what you said before that." Dimitri nodded in understanding, and I inhaled sharply as he brought his face to rest beside mine, so that I could feel his warm breath caress the skin along my neck.

"I love you Rosemarie Hathaway." And then he kissed me, and I knew I must be dreaming, and that I would wake up in the morning to find myself crying uncontrollably, cursing the world for being so cruel as to invent this thing called love. But when Dimitri pulled back I could have sworn he looked too real to be a dream. I reached my hand out and ran my fingers along his cheek, allowing a few stray tears to drop from my eyes. He smiled back at me and I leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips once more.

"I love you, too," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck to draw him closer. He reacted quickly, pulling me to his chest so that my head was resting on his shoulder. I let out a low whimper as Dimitri nuzzled into my neck, exciting something deep within me. I felt more alive in his arms, as though the other half of my soul had finally come home.

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><p><strong>I hope you guys aren't too disappointed! I know you all don't want Rose to run right back into Dimitri's arms. <strong>_**He must suffer**_**!****Well, don't worry. She isn't. And he will. (**_**Truth is, I can't wait to get to this part either…I'm so excited to find out why Dimitri broke things off**_**)**

**And now a few review responses.**

_**Vampzgirl **__**– Thank you so much for the compliment! Don't worry, all will be relieved in due time. We're only on chapter 5…we've got a long way to go, and I've got to keep you on your toes **_

_**IneBelikov**__** – I'll try to post more often, and I hope you'll stick around to see Rose and Dimitri to their "happy" ending.**_

_**Ladora**__** – I agree completely. I love reading fanfiction, but sometimes find myself mentally proofreading and editing stories as I go along. I'm very flattered that you think I'm a good writer, and sooooo happy you like the story. I'm always going back and re-writing a lot of my chapters because at first glance…they suck. Thanks for the boost of confidence!**_

_**And thank everyone else who's following along. I really appreciate all your support!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok. So. We've got good news, and we've got bad news. Good news first? Here's chapter six for your viewing pleasure!**

**Bad news? I've misplaced a flash drive where I store my writing…and so this isn't the correct/official copy of the chapter. Boooooooo, I know. It's all the same concept, but I had to rewrite some parts, so we'll just say this copy is the rough draft, shall we? And then I'll post the correct copy once I've located it – it won't change the flow of the story any, but it's better written, and I say so. So look for that in *****a few weeks*******

**No review responses today; sorry – they'll be featured in the re-post.**

**Chapter Six**

We sat for a long time, neither of us speaking, simply allowing ourselves this one moment of joy together. I knew that if I were to let go the dream might end.

I felt a raindrop hit my forehead and broke away from Dimitri's embrace to peer up at the sky. It must have been getting late, and I wondered that Abe hadn't sent anyone in search of me. What would Tad tell him when questioned as to my whereabouts? How would he explain Dimitri's "coincidental" disappearance?

"What time is it," I asked, meeting his gaze. He had been staring at me intently, making me blush. I guess that no matter how much time passed I would never get used to the way Dimitri looked at me. He moved his attention to the black watch resting on his wrist and glanced up, a small frown marring his handsome features.

"It's almost eleven," he muttered. "How long have we been gone? Do you think they're looking yet?" We both became silent for a few moments as we listened for the sound of heavy movement, or any sign of commotion back within the opulent ballroom. Content that we were yet safe in out courtyard fortress, surrounded by tall hedges, ancient rose bushes, and various other flowering beauties, we breathed a sigh of relief and resumed to bury ourselves in one another. The rain had gotten heavier and I laughed at the tendrils of hair hanging across Dimitri's face.

"What," he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. I hiccupped a final giggle and peered at him innocently.

"Nothing," I smiled, but all too suddenly I remembered why we had come to meet in the first place. A sigh escaped my lips as I pulled myself out of Dimitri's arms.

"Dimitri, we still need to talk," I said sheepishly.

"Not now. We don't need to talk about this right now." I stood up from the bench and took a step backwards.

"_I_ need to talk about it," I replied, placing my hand over my chest dramatically.

"Roza, why? Why is it so important for you to know? All that matters, really, is that I love you; that you're here with me now, and I won't let you go again, not without a fight this time." I was speechless, not only because it made my heart flutter to hear him say he loved me again, but also because, for once, Dimitri didn't seem to understand me: how much I needed answers or how far I would push until I got them.

"Ok. Well. This conversation is through, then," I said pointedly spinning away from him. Dimitri quickly rose from his seat on the bench, anger and confusion no doubt overcoming him as well.

"Roza," Dimitri called my name, but I couldn't fathom hearing his voice again. I turned back to face him, moving a few steps in his direction.

"Don't speak to me anymore. I got _**nothing**_I came here for! You promised answers, damnit! And I thought finally—_**finally**_—I would find some kind of closure. Not this! I didn't expect this, and yes. Yes, I did want it, and for a while I was happy. But I can't do this with you if I don't have that closure. So I'm done. I don't want to hear another word out of you." I stared at him a moment more and turned to go but his strong arms were wrapped tightly around me before I knew what was happening.

"Let go, Dimitri."

"Roza—" he whispered, his head so close to my ear now that I could feel the heat rushing to my face. "I don't know how to say it. I made a promise."

"Then don't. Just let me go," I whispered back venomously, concentrating hard to keep my breath steady.

"I—I Promised. Adrian—"

"Stop. You broke up with me…because of Adrian?"

"No. Well, yes. I can explain, Roza—"

"_Adrian?_ Do you really expect me to believe that? Out of all the lame excuses you could come up with, you decide to accuse _him_ of forcing you to break up with me," I stared at him incredulously. "You've got to be kidding, Dimitri!"

"I told you I didn't want to talk about it," he offered. His face was serious, but I could see the sadness growing in his eyes.

"Oh. No. You don't get to do that. Tad, You, Me; we've all taken a huge risk organizing this little get-together, and you don't get to decide to back out because you've found out I still—" I stopped myself. I wasn't about to say it out loud, especially not now that he had reawakened the anger inside me. Dimitri looked at me, hope once again shining on his face.

"You still what, Rose?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I replied, taking a page from his playbook. Dimitri shook his head at me and let out a breath of air.

"It's always going to be like this with you, isn't it? I _love_ you, Roza. I love you, and I can forgive whatever mistakes you make. _Everyone_ looks past your mistakes, but you refuse to ever let any of us live ours down." He looked at me imploringly, but I refused to react no matter how hurtful he tried to be. I folded my arms across my chest and shrugged my shoulders, at a loss for words.

"Roza—" Dimitri whispered softly. I watched as he sank down onto the bench and lowered his head to rest in his hands.

"Goodbye, Comrade," I said finally, resolving to return to the party. I made my way toward the entrance of the building and grasped the door handle to support my shaking body. I slid the door open, setting one foot just inside, and paused to steal one last glance in his direction. Dimitri hadn't moved an inch, and I wondered what he could be thinking. I knew he must be hurting and that I had already forgiven him, even if he couldn't give me an explanation, but I was determined not to let it show. I swallowed hard, burying the tears that threatened to overcome me, and turned back to face the doorway.

"Goodbye, my sweet Roza." I faltered unexpectedly, was brought to my knees hearing such pain in his voice; it was like daggers plunging into my heart.

**Sorry, this is a really sad excuse for a chapter. I've been promising an update, though, and didn't want to disappoint! Hopefully the real chapter can be posted soon!**


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